Aiseyman! Closeted ex-Muslim share her testimony of leaving Islam

leaving-islam-murtad-apostate

I was born into a very religious Singaporean Muslim family, with my parents being extremely devout. They even went for pilgrimage just this year. In addition, my father is a bomoh (Muslim medium) and would conduct rites with the power of Allah (he claims).

I actually realized that I found Islam to be an extremely troublesome religion really early on, when I was about primary school age. The 5 times a day of prayer, religious class commitments and fasting during Ramadan were a hassle and I did not see much point in performing them. As such, I would complete these tasks out of necessity and to avoid being scolded rather than out of real desire to perform them. I became disillusioned with the idea of religion.

However, it was only when I was in secondary school did I research more about religion and found things which are not only contradictory but highly unethical and unfair. Some of these include the biases against women. How a daughter would get half the amount that a son gets in a parent's will and also how a woman apparently becomes a man's property after marriage. I was livid when I realized these things and that made me really question this faith. Furthermore whenever I tried to seek clarification about these matters, I simply got stock answers like "Because God says so" or "You're not supposed to think about these things". These answers were basically non-answers and so I fell out of the faith.

I also believe that we do not need religion to lead a good life and that anyone at all is able to volunteer and engage in charitable deeds, regardless of religion.

However, because of my strict religious upbringing, my parents have no knowledge of my lack of religion. I am forced to perform the prayers and fasts in front of them, to avoid any huge conflict that will doubtlessly arise if I ever tell them of my agnosticism. While I do feel hypocritical, I do believe that I have the right to believe (or not) in anything I wish to.

 

Naomi